353: 3 Signs You Need To Stop Focusing On "Sounding Good" and Start Loving Your Voice Instead
Does your entire practice session revolve around "I hope I sound good today?
Do your performances feel boring because you focus on sounding like your favorite artist, instead of making the song your own
Are your practice sessions inconsistent or non -existent because you feel like you are never improving?
In this episode, we will go through 3 signs that you are waaaaay too focused on sounding good, why that's not working, and exactly what to do instead.
Key Takeaways From This Episode
- How you can start loving your voice NOW (even if you are unsure if you actually sound good).
- Breaking out the vicious cycle that's been holding your singing back.
- Why loving your voice is the FASTEST way to becoming the singer that you were meant to be!
Episode Links
Full Transcript
Three signs that you need to stop focusing on sounding good and start loving your voice now. Now you might be thinking, but how can I love my voice when I don't even know if it sounds good? That's what we're going through. Does your entire practice session revolve around, I hope I sound good today. Do your performances feel boring because you like to focus on sounding like your favorite artist?
Or making sure you're on pitch instead of making the song your own. Are your practice sessions inconsistent or non existent because you feel like you are never improving, then this podcast episode is for you. All right. We're going to talk about each of these situations. We're going to go in depth, and then I'm going to give you some easy tips to start loving your voice today.
So let's get started. Welcome to the star singer podcast. Podcast taking singers from overthinking and overwhelmed to loving your voice. yourself and the way that you sing. I'm Tiffany van Bokstel. And in the last 17 years, I've taught one on one lessons to as many as 50 singers a week. That's thousands of voice lessons.
And I'm so excited to share what works. With you because singing is simple. You're just overcomplicating it. So let's get started
Let's just go If your entire practice session revolves around I hope I sound good today. It's totally time to start reframing Okay, you step into the practice room and you're already ready to judge yourself and you hope that you sound good and you're so preoccupied with how you want your voice to sound that you aren't even aware of how amazing your own natural voice is.
This is so normal. Let's go through another scenario. Your performances feel boring because you focus on sounding like your favorite artist instead of making the song your own. So, you heard someone do a cover song with a little grit and it sounded awesome. You obsess over trying to sing it like them, not realizing that you're holding your voice back because you are trying to sound a certain way, instead of letting your voice free.
This is so normal. Or maybe your practice sessions aren't consistent because you never feel like you are improving. When your entire goal of your practice session revolves around sounding good, you're going to disappoint yourself every time. Not because you don't sound good, but because you don't believe that you sound good.
And when you leave every practice session feeling frustrated, you're going to be less consistent. And it's really hard to improve when you aren't consistent and you aren't motivated. So, I need you to stop focusing on how you're singing sounds and start loving your voice and yourself. Because this is what's going to break you out of that vicious cycle that you're in right now.
You know what I'm talking about. You practice for a little while. You get really frustrated with how your voice sounds and then you stop singing for six months and then six months down the road You're like man. I should start singing again. It's gonna be different this time and The same thing happens over and over and over again So the way that you break that vicious cycle is that you begin to start loving your voice So the first step Is to focus on what is going well.
What do you love or appreciate about your voice or your singing right now? Do not avoid this question. You will be tempted, as I have said before, to think about what you can improve, but you need to focus on what you're already doing well. Another way to look at this is what kind of gifts, talents, or skills can you bring to your singing?
An example is are you really great at writing poetry? Well, maybe you're gonna be a fantastic songwriter and you can use your voice to express yourself in that way. Maybe you are really super organized and you know exactly like how to write down your goals and how to organize those goals into smaller chunks and how to get those goals done.
You have a lot Of gifts and talents. What about skills? Maybe you played the clarinet in high skill high school high skill High school and you learned how to practice. You learned how to create a routine. You learned what time of day was good for you to practice. Like, what do you already have going for you?
And what do you have to be grateful for? I mean, it can be as simple as like, I have a voice to sing with. Because let's be honest, there are people in this world who can't talk. And so when we put it into perspective like that, not sounding exactly how you want to sound like all the time is small potatoes.
Right? Focus on what you can be grateful for. Focus on what is going well. That is thing number one. This mindset stuff is very important because if you always focus on what you want to improve and you find that you don't think that you are improving, first of all you're probably not measuring. Second of all, it's really hard not to measure.
Third of all, you're stuck in your own head and you're not even asking anyone else like an expert. Like a vocal coach you're not getting anyone on your like you're asking complete strangers what they think and letting them tell you what they Think of your voice, you know what i'm saying? This is not a recipe for success So the mindset is really really important and as performers, you know as a perfectionist as Someone who's dedicated and someone who's committed.
There's always so many things that you're probably focusing on improving And what's really going to be motivating to keep you going is focusing on what is going well. The second thing that you can do is to focus on what you want and what you deserve. In a perfect world, how would you use your voice and your singing?
And this is really important because it informs every part of your singing plan. You know, if you know that you want to be a singer songwriter and sing your own original songs, you're going to have different goals and benchmarks than someone who wants to feel comfortable and confident singing live performances in their church.
You just have different things that You're thinking about, I mean, as a singer songwriter, you're thinking about. Expressing your own voice and that's twofold, you know, you have your own voice as far as the words that you write and Your own voice that you're bringing forward. It's really important in this case I mean, it's always important But it's super important to know your own voice as a singer songwriter because that might inform your marketing Like if you know that you are infusing two styles like Kelly from a couple of episodes ago, if you know, you're infusing rock and opera, I mean, that really informs a lot about how you might even market yourself as a singer songwriter.
And so therefore. It's going to be super important for you to be able to know your voice, to describe your voice, to feel comfortable and confident, and to definitely not sound like someone else, because how are you going to stand out? So focusing on what you want and how you envision using your voice is going to make a big difference in the goals that you actually want to do.
You know, for example, if you just want to feel comfortable and confident as a singer, You might not even have to learn how to read music and so I mean that's not the greatest example in the world I can think of honestly, but my point is that you don't want to take Unnecessary steps if you don't have to and so really knowing what you want is gonna help you to Envision what it is that you have to do and the second part of this is and what you deserve Do you think that you deserve to feel comfortable and confident when you are expressing yourself?
Of course! Everybody does, right? Everybody does, and you deserve this. The third thing is, I want you to focus on what is in your control. And this is really important because this one for me helps you to celebrate yourself based on your character and not what you think you sound like. Here's an example.
What is in your control is practicing when you say that you're going to. And when you prove to yourself that you are showing up for yourself, you're going to feel a sense of pride. It's going to help you to take yourself more seriously and your singing more seriously. And it's going to infuse into everything that you do.
It's going to make you believe that you are meant to be there because you are. And practicing your singing when you say you're going to is completely in your control. Setting your own goals, completely in your control. And it's something that's not based on talent. It's not based on how you think you sound.
And it's very easy to measure. Did I show up or not? And every time you show up, you can put cookies in your jar. Just like we talked about in a previous podcast episode, focusing on what is in your control. So to recap, some easy tips to start loving your voice right now is number one, focus on what is going well.
And you can do that by asking yourself questions like, what do I love or appreciate about my voice or my singing right now? What kinds of gifts, talents, or skills do I already have that I can bring to my singing? What do I have to be grateful for? The second thing, focus on what you want and deserve. In a perfect world, how would you use your voice and your singing?
Because this is going to inform everything that you do. And then the third thing, focus on what is in your control so that you can celebrate yourself. A lot of people find it a lot easier to celebrate yourself based on your character. Rather than what you think you sound like and the beauty is the more that you show up for yourself the better Singer you are going to be anyway So it really impacts everything that you do I believe that loving your voice is so so important and you can start right now Wherever you're at, you don't have to wait until you sound good because newsflash, you're always Probably going to be a little bit critical of how you sound anyway But if you are learning to love your voice and taking the steps to do that It's going to be a lot easier So I believe in this so much that I created a program for this 20 ways to love your voice more.
Very similar to what we did on the podcast today, except we're going more in depth. This is 20 action steps designed to help you love your voice more, actually feel proud of your singing, and motivate you to keep going and growing through your journey of becoming a singer. So these are exactly very similar things that we would go through together because in one on one voice lessons, not only do I work on Voice coaching, coaching songs, coaching technique, but a big part of it is mindset.
And these are the things that I would use inside of a voice lesson to really get your mind right and to really put things into perspective. And these are tangible because when you think of like, how do I love my voice? Well, I don't. Like, these are actual action steps. That are going to help you things like what do I love or appreciate about my voice or my singing right now?
And we go in depth over what that can look like. I mean, it could be really simple. It can be like I'm grateful. I have a voice Because you need to start with that Things that you actually believe, like you can't be like, Oh my gosh, I just have fantastic tone and my pitch is always perfect. If you don't believe that or you feel like it's inaccurate.
So we need to start with things that you believe. And really highlight those things and build your confidence in that way. And like we said before, it can look like, I'm proud that I showed up and practiced. I think my voice feels more comfortable than it has before. Any way that you can measure or highlight your voice.
Okay. So I'm going to leave the link to 20 ways to love your voice below in the description, and I can't wait to hear how you are using these questions. Because if you have the commitment and the ability to just really sit down and journal about some of these questions, I know it seems tedious, and I know it seems like fluff, but if you know me at all, you know I am not about fluff.
I'm not gonna make you do something BS that's not going to move the needle forward. If I'm saying it to you on this podcast, it's because in the last 15 years that I've been doing one on one voice lessons, this is something that makes a huge difference. Difference and it's so easy to think well, man I just need to get in the practice room and grind And a lot of times that's not the answer because kind of like we talked about today If you don't even know how you envision using your singing Your practice the things that you spend time on might take a completely different turn you might be able to get there a lot faster if you just identify where it is that you want to go and Singing is like anything else in that.
If you have a passion for it, if you have the commitment for it, if you have the time for it, you can do this. You can do this. All right. We'll see you next time. If you're loving the podcast, I would always appreciate a five star rating and review. Feel free to subscribe so that the next episode comes right to your phone.
We'll see you next time.
