352: 4 Steps To Loving, Accepting and Improving Your Voice
THE best singers are the ones that know themselves and their voice.
Because when you know yourself - the question isn't "why do I suck today...I always suck?" It's why isn't my voice doing what it usually does.
What DOES your voice usually do? Do you even know? Do you spend enough time with your voice to make that evaluation?
Can you feel where your vocal break is? Can you tell when your voice doesn't shimmer, sparkle, or have the same power as usual? Do you know what your optimal time of day for practice is?
THIS is knowing your voice. And when you know your voice, you can give yourself more grace. You can ask yourself what you need and what you want...instead of feeling frustrated and like you suck all the time.
The reality is that you don't suck...but you don't know your voice.
On today's episode...
We will go through 4 steps that will get you more motivated to love, accept and improve your singing!
Links:
1:1 Voice Lessons - Book your first lesson today!
FREE Foundations of Singing Course
Key Takeaways From This Episode:
- Why you don't practice as much as you want - and it's not your fault!
- My best FREE singing resource to get you started
- Why evaluating how you sound isn't working.
- Exactly what to focus on when you practice - instead of just "trying to sound good."
- How to start "getting to know" YOUR voice.
Full Transcript
The best singers are the ones that know themselves and their voice. Because when you know yourself, the question isn't, Why does my singing suck today? I always suck. That's, that's not the question. When you know your voice, you can give yourself a lot more grace. The question is, Why isn't my voice doing what it usually does?
And then my question for you is what does your voice usually do? Do you even know? Honestly, so many singers get frustrated that their voice doesn't sound the way that they want it to, but they don't even know what their voice usually does. Do you spend enough time with your voice to make the evaluation that your voice isn't normal today?
That it's a little different than usual. Do you know, like, do you have enough grace for yourself to know that, you know, sometimes especially as an adult you wake up in the morning and you have a headache or you wake up in the morning and your muscles ache and or You know, maybe one day you wake up in the morning and you just feel great and you're like excited and you're energized so We've all had the experience that like the body has different moods, the body feels differently every day, and your voice is inside your body.
So if you can start to recognize how your body and how your voice is different every day, this is really important for singers. For example, can you feel where your vocal break is? Can you tell when your voice doesn't shimmer, sparkle, or have the same power as usual? Do you know what your optimal time of day for practice is?
These are examples of knowing your voice. And when you know your voice, you can give yourself more grace. You can ask yourself for what you need and what you want instead of feeling frustrated and like you suck all the time. The reality is that you don't suck. You just don't know your voice. So on today's episode, we are going to go through four steps to loving, accepting, and improving your voice.
So let's get started. Welcome to the star singer podcast, taking singers from overthinking and overwhelmed to loving your voice. yourself and the way that you sing. I'm Tiffany van Bokstel. And in the last 17 years, I've taught one on one lessons to as many as 50 singers a week. That's thousands of voice lessons.
And I'm so excited to share what works for you. With you because singing is simple. You're just overcomplicating it. So let's get started
All right, so let's catch back up right the reality is that you don't suck The reality is you just don't know your voice and that's usually because you don't practice And honestly, that's because you usually don't know what to practice or how to practice Or you can't stand hearing yourself sing because you don't think it's getting any better So For that third one, you can't stand hearing yourself.
Sorry, you're just going to have to get over yourself, right? Like you're going to have to get over it. Um, this is about knowing your voice and quite honestly, I love you. And most singers, you don't have the expertise. To be able to judge if your voice is good or not, or to be able to judge if your singing is not.
So I say that with love and also with like, you're not a vo many singers. You're not a voice coach. You haven't studied singing. You haven't had the experience working with singers. You haven't studied vocal anatomy. You haven't tried different things in the practice room. And so give yourself some grace, you know, imagine having the confidence and self awareness to know exactly what you need when it comes to your singing.
That's a long way out. And honestly, one on one voice lessons. They are the best way now coming up here. I do have four steps that you can absolutely do on your own, but nothing beats having a one on one voice lesson. And that's. That's for the, the thing that I was mentioning before is, when you work with me, I'm going to tell you what you do awesome.
I'm also going to tell you what you need to improve and how to improve it and give you like step by step. But the one thing that you're probably forgetting, To include in your own feedback loop to yourself are the things that you're doing well because you need to start somewhere. There is something special about you and about your voice and there are good things about what you're doing already.
And it does take an expert to know what those things are and to be able to communicate them in a way that's easy to understand and that it makes you feel good about yourself. So before we go into the things that you can do on your own, I'm going to give you a quick rundown of what it would look like if we worked together in one on one voice lessons to do this and how easy it can be.
So here's the process. We start with your goals because that's going to inform every part of our work together. It doesn't matter what my goals are for you. Okay. It matters what your goals are. All right, so we're going to start there. Then we're going to check on your technical singing foundation. This is like the basis for everything that you do.
And the good news and the bad news about this process is that even people who feel like they're advanced singers are missing a giant step. Of your singing foundation and it's not your fault The other good news is that this is usually a really easy tweak and with something super simple You can be sounding literally twice as good in just like one lesson Because something shifted.
These foundational principles are so great. So my goal for you is to make a few quick tweaks so that we can move forward as soon as possible. I also want you to know what you do well. And no, you don't have to do boring vocal exercises for months before we start getting to the juicy stuff, okay? Let's make a few big changes that are actually going to make a difference in your singing.
And when you start to hear the difference in your singing, you start to believe in yourself more. And then you start to make song choices based on what you want to sing and what you want to communicate. Not on how you might sound. Then with those songs, we make absolute magic together. It is so fun. If you've never considered anything beyond, do I sound good?
Your mind is going to be blown by like all of the creative work that can be done. All of that creative performance work, okay? You've probably been stuck in boring technical voice work all of your life trying to sound good. But another way to sound good is through the performance work. And that's what matters anyway, right?
We want to communicate with emotions. And When we make magic with these songs, the process of that magical collaboration, it makes you excited and your performance work starts to feel more fun, more creative, and more inspiring. And you begin to make more intentional choices about yourself and your singing.
And you start to love yourself, your voice, and your singing more. And then we keep making more magic together. If that sounds good, I'm going to leave the voice lesson link for you. So you can book a first lesson to see if it's a good fit. Because again, you know, I can't work with everyone. And I think that everyone deserves to have a one on one voice coach at some point in your singing life so that you can get a different perspective.
Cause when you're working with your own perspective, I know you, and I know how hard you are on yourself and sometimes. An outside opinion is exactly what you need. So if you feel like that's supportive for you, go ahead and click on the link below and book your first lesson. There's no obligation to continue.
Let's just see if it's a good fit and go from there. Okay. Let's say you're in a season. You're not ready for one on one voice lessons yet. Here are some things that you can absolutely do on your own to just shift your singing 180 degrees.
Okay, commit to consistency. That's number one. Are you going to promise yourself that you're going to practice five days a week? Don't say seven. Don't say seven days a week. You need a rest day. You need a day to just, you know, even God rested, right? On one day, right? You, you deserve to rest. So commit to consistency, even if that's just singing one time a week.
I recommend two to three. Okay, because it's achievable and it hits, um, multiple times. Because I believe that smaller, more consistent, when I say smaller, I mean shorter amount of time. So like 10 minutes, 15 minutes of more consistent voice practice is better than like two hours of voice practice once a month.
Commit to consistency. If you say you're gonna sing two or three days a week, Make sure that you sing two or three days a week. And for most people in any season, that means scheduling it on the calendar. You know, it's every Monday morning at 10, every Thursday evening at seven, you know, it's on your calendar.
And then the other thing to think about is like, do you know, like, is there an optimal amount of time when you feel like singing? Like, do you feel like singing right when you wake up in the morning? Or do you feel like singing right after dinner? Do you feel like singing over the lunch hour? When do you feel like singing?
When do you think you're going to be in your best mindset to schedule a practice time? Because it's, it's just, I've worked with singers for so long and I've, I've done voice lessons in every single way that you could ever imagine. I've done bi weekly lessons, I've done them once a month, I've done them individual, and by far, having a voice lesson every week, on the same day, at the same time, is the best way to be consistent.
Because when you start being inconsistent with the days of the week and the times, it, it's a lot harder to stay consistent, right? It, it's a lot harder, so I highly recommend just Picking a time, scheduling it. And maybe you commit to it for a while and then you're like, you know what I I want to try the evenings because morning practice like just doesn't i'm not sure if it's right, you know, so then try Try the evenings say okay cool for the next two weeks.
I'm gonna practice only in the evenings and You know You know, Tuesday, Thursday, or whatever it is, and see if that makes a difference in what you're bringing to the table in your practice sessions. But it's really important to commit to consistency so that you can see and feel and hear how you're growing in your singing, getting to know your voice, what do you usually sound like, what does it usually feel like, right?
That consistency is so important. Okay, number two. What are you actually going to practice? Okay. Do a combination. This is what I recommend. Do a combination of vocal exercises and songs. If you have no idea what vocal exercises to do, I have a free course. It's called Foundations of Singing Higher. It's an amazing course.
It's exactly what we would do together. If we worked together one on one, I would have you run through these vocal exercises and check off all the boxes and make sure that your foundation is strong. I'm going to leave that link for you so you don't even have to think about what to do. Okay? So after you do, you know, one or two of those vocal exercises in that course, sing a song or two, you know, and get creative with how you practice the song.
It's not just about notes and rhythms. Can it be about the emotions of the song? What do you want the audience to feel? Where are the important words? Where are you breathing? There's so many things to consider when it comes to performance work, but make sure that you're getting a variety. Make sure you're getting a combination of technical vocal exercises that can move your singing forward and also having fun singing the songs that you like to sing.
Okay, number three. I want you to reframe your singing practice to be more about self discovery, okay? First of all, a lot of singers who aren't working one on one, you know, you don't have someone like me to be like, hey, this is what you're practicing this week. Boom, boom, boom. You're like, oh my gosh, what do I even practice this week?
If you're not, if you're not working with someone one on one or, you know, you don't have a lot of experience. Voice coaching or coaching yourself. You're like, what do I practice? Okay. What are my goals? And A lot of singers that I work with I mean you are very dedicated You are extremely committed. You're very goal oriented and You're very smart and a lot of these people like this Like you are doing a pretty good job of setting practice goals But you might feel really frustrated because sometimes singing can be kind of intangible, like it's difficult to measure, especially if all That's on it for a measurement are your own ears and your own thoughts and feelings that can get a little Dangerous right because it's not like you can measure it with numbers like oh, I'm getting better I am I am at a level 100 today like no like you don't how do you even know right?
So a lot of times even if you can set amazing goals It's difficult, it might be difficult for you, for anyone who's not an expert really, to figure out, Hey, am I even meeting these goals? And then you might feel frustrated because you're not really sure. If you are getting any better, right? I don't know if if you've taken piano lessons or anything like that, but like at least in piano lessons There's a book right you're playing the songs and you're turning the pages and you're like, okay, i'm turning the pages I'm, at least getting better You know i'm moving forward in the book.
And so, you know, there's this sense of momentum And there's this sense of I am getting better and with singing it can be a lot more difficult To have that motivation to have that inspiration, especially if you're not working one on one. Um, that's a big reason why a lot of people do work one on one because then they can, you can really get the confidence that you are moving forward, that you are making progress.
But instead of basing your practice on goals, because in my experience, Again, if you're not working one on one, you typically don't know if you're meeting your goals, and that can be really frustrating. So, a really good way to combat this is to reframe your practice to become more about self discovery.
And, These don't have to be giant things, but they are important information. For example, me knowing that I practice better after I've worked out for the day, after I've moved my body can be really, really helpful because if I don't get the chance to move my body before I practice, then I'm like, okay, well, I'm going to do like 25 jumping jacks really quick.
And that gets the blood flowing and it gets my body flowing. And then when I sing. I'm more comfortable with like what I'm sounding. It's feeling like it's in my entire body and it feels like normal. Whereas if I don't do that, I don't feel like normal and I'm more. It's more, I'm more likely to become frustrated with my practice if I don't move my body before I practice.
So, just from that, like, number one, committing to consistency, just from committing to consistent practice, I was able to see those patterns in myself. And it's those tiny patterns that you're gonna be like, Wow. Um, for example, if you know that you need 8 hours of sleep, otherwise your voice sounds like absolute garbage.
For me, if I don't get 6 hours of sleep, at least. I, I would like 8. I would like 8. But if I don't get at least 6, my voice is garbage. Like, it sounds okay, probably, you know, because Honestly, I am a great singer and I'm not like boosting my own horn or whatever you call it It's just that like I've taken voice lessons for 20 years.
I went to college to become a singer It's like if I'm not confident in my voice right now, there's a problem, right? so but I It sounds okay, especially to a lot of people, but for me, it really, when I don't get that sleep, it really feels like a lack of power and it doesn't feel like as powerful, right?
And I don't feel as confident. So these are just some tiny things that I've discovered about myself through this consistent practice. And when I know like, Hey,
I got really terrible sleep last night. So I'm going to give myself a little more grace in this practice session. I can probably expect my voice to not be 100 percent because I know that that's normal for me. So it's kind of like, what is normal for you and what kinds of things can you discover about your singing and about your practice and about what you need and about your tendencies, just from committing.
to consistent practice. You can really learn a lot, and they're tiny little things that seem super dumb, but they're important. And the more that you know about yourself, the more you can gather data, the more grace you can give, the more you can prioritize. Okay, I've got a gig tomorrow. I need to get eight hours of sleep.
You know, I need to tire myself out during the day and I need to make sure I'm in bed by midnight, you know, so I can get up at 8 a. m. Or whatever it is. And those things are going to make a huge difference in how you carry yourself.
Alright, the last one, number four. Focus on what it feels like instead of what it sounds like. We can all get wrapped up so much in what we want our voice to sound like. And that's another thing that consistency is going to help with. It's like discovering what your voice actually sounds like. Hey, you know what?
My voice sounds like this. Does not sound like Whitney Houston. I know this. So I'm no longer gonna be frustrated when it doesn't come out sounding that way, right? Because that's not my voice. That's not who I am. And it's no different than I'm not 6'4 I'm 5'4 I will never be 6'4 This is how tall I am.
This is the gift that I was given. It's never going to be any different, okay? So even though you can improve your singing, and you can feel a lot more confident and comfortable with your singing, Your voice is your God given voice like that's the voice you have so it's like what do you sound like? So that's kind of thing number one a little tangent there, but that's thing number one You know, what do you normally sound like anyway, but beyond that instead of getting over focused on pitch It's like let's change the questions instead of how does my voice sound?
I want you to focus on what it feels like. You can generate questions like how does my voice feel today? How does my body feel today? What are the reasons I feel this way? You know, oh my body kind of aches. Oh, yeah. Well, I took that Krav Maga class yesterday and you know got got a little beat up My muscles are a little sore Okay, that makes sense, you know and finding the patterns that make sense and then I mean there's There's the physical feeling of the body, and there's the emotional feeling.
It's like, well, how do I want this song to feel emotionally? Am I conveying joy? Do I feel joy when I sing? Or do I have a really serious face? And am I thinking of how I really want this to sound good, and I end up sounding like a robot and angry, you know? Because you're judging yourself. So focus on what it feels like instead of what it sounds like.
Alright, let's recap. Number one, commit to consistency. However many times you're going to sing that week, schedule it, get it down, commit to it for a set period of time before you judge yourself. Your only judgment should be, am I showing up for myself? Number two, do a combination of vocal exercises and songs.
And I have my foundations of singing higher. It's a free course. Grab it in the link in the podcast section. Number three, reframe your practice to be more about self discovery. And number four, focus on what it feels like instead of what it sounds like. If you can commit to the simple act of singing with consistency, you can get to know, love, and appreciate your voice.
If you can do that. It's going to be much easier to stick with it, to find momentum and to actually improve. All right. If you've got something wonderful out of this podcast, I invite you to please leave a five star rating and review on Apple Podcasts. It really helps the show and it helps other singers decide if this is the right podcast for them.
You can DM me on Instagram. My DMs are always open at TiffanyVanBoxtel. VanBoxtel. Please feel free to subscribe so the next episode automatically downloads right into your little podcast app and you can listen to the next session as soon as possible. Alright, we will see you next time.
